I am honored (and kilig) to have been invited by Kris of OC Mom in Manila to join them in their BetterMe sessions with Coach Pia a few weeks ago.
The session was all about The Art of Co-Parenting: Raising a Child as a Team.
This was very timely for me - as I am a fairly new mom (Kailee just turned 2.5yo) and raising her, well - challenges me and my Panget a lot. We actually never discussed the specifics but we agreed on the 'good cop/bad cop' set up, and so far, we haven't had any situation that called for it. Kailee has been good so far, I mean yeah - she would have her tantrums once in a while, but it wasn't something of a big issue for us.
While listening to Coach Pia speak and share, I realized so many things about myself and my background. My background as it turns out, has a big influence on how I have decided to raise my kids. What I have been accustomed to - well, that doesn't necessarily translate into the right way or method. And what I learned is that there are other methods available, there are other ways, a different perspective of some sort. But, I know one thing for sure and that is I want to be become a better parent to my kids.
I took home a LOT of learnings, but these six had the most impact on me:
1) Empathize with each child - I know that our little ones have feelings, but I never knew that it should be something I really should consider. Coach Pia suggested asserting certain 'use words' in situations like 'I know you are not doing it on purpose (but you will hit the vase at the back)' I tried this on Kailee when I got home - and I was amazed on its effectiveness. I now use this line all the time - and the results are incredible!
2) Be open and sensitive to your child's needs - like the previous one, we should always consider the feelings of our little ones. Even if they're young, they have feelings to that we should consider and take into consideration. Our kids also feel let down at times and so we need to be more sensitive to their needs.
3) Speak to other people who can give you more information - To understand situations better - we can speak to teachers, counselors, siblings, friends or other relatives to learn from them. I think that we have to admit that we are not perfect and that we can learn to adapt with learning from others.
4) Have an encouraging UNITED front - I used to be a believer in the 'good cop/bad cop' set up and this opened my eyes that labeling a good cop and a bad cop only encourages bad impressions to our kids. It is just now that I realized that our kids will forever remember us being 'together' in our decisions. That no one parent can be bribed through lambing or whatever means. (Hahaha!)
5) Provide a healthy space for your child to develop into the best individual they can be (and not a shadow of their parents' needs and wants) - I know its hard to let go, but we need to let our kids grow - of course, with proper guidance. I think we have the tendency to want our kids to succeed in the aspects where we have failed.
6) Find that Inner Calm - stay calm amidst the ambiguity. I know its hard, but that's the way it should be. Its the same as having faith (if you ask me)
This session made me realize that we all have hang ups as parents. We carry with us happy memories, scars and learning from our own respective families and backgrounds. We just have to realize that our journey to becoming better parents is never ending. There is no one specific route - but there are countless of roads to take and different journeys to make us better. I also learned that communication - whatever medium is so very important to a better relationship.
I enjoyed this #BetterMe #Session with the #SoMoms. This session made me aware that there are other people who would like to help, who would share their passion and reach out to others so that the others may learn from them. Thank you for organizing a session like this, it is very very helpful and insightful.
Thank you Kris!
Thank you Janice!
Thank you SoMoms!
And THANK YOU Coach Pia!
I had a wonderful, wonderful inspiring time.
P.S. This was really a #BetterMe session. And it was so nice to meet the SoMoms and SoDad in the flesh! Its comforting to know that they have become more than just online buddies that share a passion. Thank you for your warmth guys!! I really appreciate it!