#BetterMe with Coach Pia: Valuing Fathers: Our Own and the Father of Our Children

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

A few Wednesdays ago, was another fruitful #BetterMe session with Coach Pia.  I am so thankful to be invited to attend these sessions as they are really helpful to me.  I get to have a better understanding and grasp of things therefore, I can make #BetterLifeDecisions.



The topic was about Fathers.  It really hits a nerve you know, because I felt like I was brought up by my mother.  Whenever I think about it - it was always my mom that did most everything.  Mind you, my parents are still together.  But it was always my mom - that's why I think with myself - I became her.  I can do most anything a man does, I can change a light bulb, fix things - be a handyman (handy woman) actually.  And so I wished that my husband will be more hands on with the kids.  I wished that he not only just be a male figure but be a father in all essence of the word.

I am happy that my Panget is a better dad (comparing him with mine)  He plays with the kids, reads to them and likes to spend time with them.  One thing though, I cannot expect my Panget to do - and its to change diapers.  I've accepted that fact from day 1 and do not have ill feelings on it.  But what I really dislike is when he passes on some menial thing to me.  Like for example - when the shirt of the kids get wet, even if he can do it - he will call me to tell me that I need to change their shirts!  I really get irked by this, I mean come on!  It's a simple task of changing their shirts!  I feel frustrated at times, but what can I do right?  I just do it anyway.

I think the best take away that I got from this session is this:


"You cannot expect a man to have instincts 
that he doesn't naturally have"

This explains so much of how men are.  OMG.  This is really a realization.  It's very true right?  As much as we want them to be nurturing (the same way we are) they cannot because they don't know how it is to nurture like we do.  Even if I tell myself that men can just follow what we do (when we nurture) but they won't remember it and even do it!  Now, I understand why they can't simply follow - its because they're not built and wired that way.  But, but, but that doesn't mean they're off the hook!  Hehehe...

Moving forward - I've always believed that mothers can become fathers too.  But with this session, I saw the IMPORTANCE of fathers with kids.  I may not agree on the points right now (since I have a lot of 'daddy' issues) but I'm sure through time - the scars will heal and I will finally understand.  One step at a time right?

Here's a list of why Fathers are Valuable:
1.  They powerfully teach through actions (vs. words)
The saying 'Actions speak louder than words' hold true for fathers because I have not met a father who is very vocal and in touch with his feelings.  So they compensate via their actions.

2.  They provide natural strength and stability
Studies in the US show that in the absence of a father results in the likelihood of depression and anxiety.  When I saw this I understood immediately what a friend/sister is going through.  It explains so much about how she is handling her current situation.

3.  Knowing about Dad's experiences and hearing his stories are powerful for the child
This is so true, especially with Kailee.  Whenever my Panget would tell stories about his childhood, Kailee is so engrossed with it and there is different spark in her eyes when she listens to my Panget's stories.

4.  Fathers model basic values to their children
When Coach Pia asked me this - I had to really think.  What value does my Panget model to the kids?  And then I realized - hard work.  How?  Well, he tells them that he goes to the office to work.  That act alone (going to the office) tells them how important it is to provide for the family.



5.  The love Dad provides is priceless.  The nurturance received from Dad is unique.
This is so very true, I don't think I need to explain further.  It hits the spot right on, correct?

6.  Dad's presence provide specific self worth.  Not having dad results in low self-esteem
When I saw this on the projector.  I immediately judged and disagreed secretly.  But then while Coach Pia was explaining - I understood what she meant.  I always felt that in a single-mom set-up, it wasn't an issue to the child because the mom represents both parents.  What I failed to realize is that - to not have a father/dad physically results in low self-esteem.  Kids will realize this when they start going to school - when they see their peers having dads pick them up or bring them to school.  The child will question themselves on this - thus, the low self-esteem.

7.  Children learn the value of RESPECT and SERVICE from Dad.
OMG when I saw this, I totally disagreed!  Because I know of Dads who are super disrespectful and do not know what service is.  Eventually I realized, I assumed wrong - RESPECT was meant of respecting a set of rules - men by nature likes rules, diba?  And so respecting rules is very important to them and they show this to their kids.  As for the service - it was pala of service to others, to the society like gathering people around.  My Panget would always tell us the importance of having the family together - thus he likes having 'family' dates with his family.

8.  Dad's celebrate victories - builds up your child's individuality.
Honestly, when I saw this - I was on the defensive because with my Panget, well - I am more of the one who likes to celebrate small victories like the first steps and words.  But sige na nga, I will bow down - I guess since we have 2 kids, the victories for him are downplayed a bit.  Hahahaha!!

9.  Interaction with Dad has impact on future sexual activity, drinking problems, drug use, suicidal tendencies, emotional distress & uncooperative kids.
80% of child's psychiatric patients came from fatherless homes

10.  Dads balance Moms out
I remember the good cop, bad cop scenario that my Panget and I agreed on at first.  Hahaha!!  If mommy is strict - dad needs to be lenient and vice versa.


So, what do you think?  Do you agree with all of them?  Please let me know!  Leave a comment on the box below!

We were treated to a wonderful lunch by Seda Hotel - a hotel by the Ayalas.  Yes!  They now have a hotel chain under their belt, and mind you - it's very pretty!  Location is very good too since most anything is nearby, restaurant, a cinema complex, the business district, a supermarket and a department store!






Thank you Seda Hotel for hosting us!!

3 comments :

  1. Great inputs on this.. It started me thinking on how my dad when we were growing up and how his presence in our lives influenced all 3 of us when it came to choosing our husbands.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Leirs!! :) Dad really have a huge influence on us, whether I admit it or not. Hahaha! :) Hope to bump into you soon!!

      Love, Didi

      Delete
  2. Really nice points. I especially liked the first quote, "You cannot expect a man to have instincts that he doesn't naturally have". D'yan ako madalas naiinis kay hubby -- siguro nga because I expected too much din. I should keep that in mind, hehe! :)

    ReplyDelete