When your brain - FREEZES

I'm proud to say that this doesn't happen often.  Hahaha!  Ang yabang ko, but seriously - I think this has happened very few times.  But then, ever since what happened - there are moments that I pause or space out.  The most recent brain freeze story is when we travelled last week.

Image grabbed from THIS page

I don't like doing things the last minute.  I usually prepare at least more than a week ahead, more often that not - I prepare 2 weeks before a trip.  This gives me more than enough time to anticipate whatever it is that I missed or forgot, a game plan sort of.  But for this trip - I planned it just a few days ahead.  I kept postponing the planning, thinking it was still far away.  I can't fully explain why - but I guess my mind and heart were somewhere else.  There were far more things that I was worried about and needed my attention more.  I thought to myself that I can probably wing it.  Hahaha!  It honestly did not occur to me that we were traveling - soon, it was only when I received an email on the travel did I realize that it was the following week already.  Apparently, there was a reason why I do things early.  Anyone who knows me, know that I prepare very well (even for out of town trips), as in very well.

I was left to plan what to do and bring - in less than a week.  I wasn't prepared.  It was literally a photo finish for this trip.  Really.  I wasn't used to this.  I wasn't prepared - mentally.  Brain FREEZE literally.

When we got to the check-in counter, I realized that we forgot Kailee's hand carry stuff.  Her extra clothes, hair clips, brush and etc., her water bottle, her milk bottle, her snacks, and most importantly - her medicines!  I tried to call the driver - but to no avail.  I couldn't believe I forgot it.  It was a good thing that the place we were going to, I was very familiar with.  I was worried about the medicines, since you can't easily buy medicines in a foreign land.  I just prayed that Kailee be blessed with perfect health during the trip.  While on the plane, Kailee kept asking for her snacks and water bottle!  I said sorry so many times because I forgot them!  Kailee was very understanding, which was surprising.  She would usually throw a fit because it was very early in the morning!  We had a close call though, when I let her play in the bath tub!  After bathing, she started coughing and then she said she wasn't feeling well - uh oh!  It was a good thing that there was a 24/7 supermarket nearby - so I ran and bought some meds.  I was clueless honestly because I couldn't understand what they were for!  Then I saw Panadol for children and I immediately got a small box.  I have to be honest, the only thing I know to give kids when they have fever is Tempra (Paracetamol) so when I saw the generic name of Panadol, I was skeptical - but then, I had no choice right?  It was a wonderful thing that the tablet was chewable, a lifesaver!  Then for her allergies, I just have her a small bit of my allergy medicine.  I know, I'm a bad mother for forgetting - but please give me a break, I wasn't my normal self.  Please don't judge.

Then my Panget likes his morning coffee strong, thus we always bring coffee with us.  The ones given on for free in the rooms don't suffice.  I pack them every single time.  But this time, while in the plane, it suddenly occurred to me that I forgot to bring it.  Sigh.  Another spaced out moment.  It was nice though that the lady in who was in charge of cleaning our room is very nice.  She gave me extra coffee.  I was really running on pure luck this trip!

I was really out of the loop and my mind was somewhere else.  I was telling my Panget, this wasn't me.  He just looked at me and said that I was going through something that's why my mind wasn't that concentrated on things.  I agree.  My mind is in shambles, well not really - but you know what I mean?  I am not yet 100% back - I'm still struggling somehow - trying to keep up with what should be done and what should not be done.  Confusing really.

When we got to our destination - I realized that I forgot something else.  My *hotdog* pillow that I bring with me ANYWHERE.  I forgot it.  I didn't get to pack it in.  That pillow has been with me since I was a baby - and it went with me wherever I went.  I brought it with me when I studied in Beijing.  I bring it on short and long vacations.  I never left home without it, and this is the first time EVER that I forgot it.  I missed it very much to be honest.  But what was I to do?  I forgot it.

So, this is what happens when your brain FREEZES.  This is how the mind works.  Strange really, but now I have a better understanding of why there are people who can't function 100% when they are going through something.  The brain is attached to some sort of emotion that can't fully make you function like before.  Is it a chemical reaction?  A chemical imbalance?  God only knows what that is.
Right now, I'm still in the process of getting back to where I used to be.  I can't seem to shake of the *what ifs* in my life because of what happened.  But readers have been very comforting in telling me to hang in there and that things will get better.  I know it will get better, but I'm not hurrying it up.  Time will tell.  But right now, I'm okay - doing good.  Hanging there.  I will forever appreciate the concern and well wishes.  I will still want hugs and smiles.

But there is one thing - the feeling of loss, that I think will never ever leave me.  To be honest, I think I was scarred for life.  I think I will take this with me, forever.  I will be physically okay, but mentally - I think it will be a constant.

Has something like this happened to you?