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#EnhancedCommunityQuarantine: Haircut

I am one who is not very sensitive on the length of hair because I just tie them in a ponytail.  You can count with your fingers the number of times I've had my hair down.  I simply don't like my hair on my face.  I wish I can pull off the pixie cut, unfortunately - my face is very round, so - well, it won't look as 'pretty' on me.

Before the lockdown happened, my Panget and the kids had their hairs cut.  I remember when I used to sport the pixie cut, that I would go to the salon EVERY month to have my 'cut' maintained properly.  So I know that for those sporting shorter hair - well, they know the different two to three weeks make to their hair.

But since we're all on #EnhancedCommunityQuarantine there are no salons nor barber shops that are open for service.  So what is the solution?  Do the haircut ourselves!  If you ask me, I wouldn't really dare because, IT'S EFFING HAIR!  Your hair is something personal to you, it's not some random thing that you will have a stranger do.  You ONLY go to your trusted hair stylist of barber.  Bottom line, it's really a trust issue between you and the person that cuts your hair.

My Panget has been floating the idea of having me cut his hair.  I have dismissed it ALWAYS when he brings it up.  I tell you, I will NOT do it.  I really won't!  I'm honestly scared of the repercussions.  What if it's so ugly?  What if I make a mistake?  So many what if's really.

But then my Panget was able to borrow a clipper.  And it was there.  We first tried Connor's hair - and it wasn't so bad.  It was a team effort really.  What I didn't know was what was in store for me, while I cut my Panget's hair.

He sat down.  Put a towel around his neck and just told me - just it cut, make it shorter, I don't mind.  But I mind.  I was looking at his hair - and just looking at it, with the clipper on my right hand.  And for the first time in my life (since this quarantine), I didn't know how to start and what to do.  It took me minutes before I got started.  My Panget I felt was getting impatient because nothing was happening.  I had so many voices in my head saying to do this, do that, clip this, clip that, start there - no start here.  My thoughts were a mess, I had no one game plan.  AND I HATED THAT FEELING.

This is one task that you don't go into battle without a game plan.  But I didn't have one.  I was looking at the clipper, I was looking at my Panget's head of hair, I was visualizing that should be done, and I was scared.  It was a roller coaster of emotions and I stood there, frozen for a while.  My kids were looking at me wonder why I was standing still.  My Panget looking up to me saying 'Bakit di ka pa naguumpisa?'

And then I did.  I clipped and nipped - I started with the hair on the back of his head.  I kept swapping the clipper number.  I didn't know what to do!  No amount of youtube videos can explain what was going through my head.  What should have been an 'easy' task - was one of the hardest things for me to do.  It took quite a while for me to get done.  I kept asking my Panget to look in the mirror to see if I cut his hair correctly.  He always came back to the chair saying 'bawasan mo pa'.

I swear, it's NOT easy to just 'bawasan mo pa' in my head was a voice screaming 'ANO PA ANG IBABAWAS KO?!  ANG IKSI NA!'  I felt pressured, very very pressured.

I was nervous, I was shaky, I was scared.  I didn't know what to do.  But I pushed and did it anyway.  When my Panget finally said, it was okay - I sat down, did one deep breath and I started to cry.

Tears just fell and I was crying.  I just sat there and cried quietly.  My kids were confused!  I didn't know that cutting someone else's hair was emotionally draining.  I can't explain it, but it just was!  It was something that I didn't expect to bring out such a heavy emotion.  It took out so much energy from me - and to think I just spent an hour on it.

My Panget was quite happy with the outcome, he thanked me for cutting his hair.  I got hugs from my kids but the heavy feeling was still there.  I swear, it was an emotional journey - something I can't explain.


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